I Wonder

I wonder how is it like during my late twenties , when someone would kneel on one knee with flowers and ask me to marry him, I wonder where would it be and how I would feel. 

I wonder how it is like to be in my thirties , as I wait for him to come home while writing or compiling all my photographies that I have took while traveling or visit him at work because I miss him and we would have lunch together and have small talks over coffee before he goes back to work. 

I wonder how it is like to be in my forties, still getting forehead kisses and snuggles before sleeping and still feel in love just like how I first fell in love even when I wake up to a familiar face everyday. I probably will still laugh at his loud snore and wonder how he could sleep with that sound himself. 

I wonder how it is like to be in my fifties, that we would hold hands and have tea in the garden that we built over the years or just enjoying each other's company as we read. I wonder if I would still have the strength to take silly pictures or annoy him. 

I wonder how it is like to be in my sixties , when both of us will be surrounded with our grandchildren, all grown up and we would exchange smiles from across the room knowing that we are blessed and genuinely happy. 

I wonder how it is like in my seventies , going through photo albums and talking about great adventures, about every mountains we climb and every sunset we have seen in different countries. I wonder how it is like to still feeling the butterflies in my tummy whenever he says "I love you" or when he opens his eyes in the morning and smiles at me. 

I wonder how it is like being 80 and waking up to an undisturbed pillow because few years ago the good Lord took him home. And I still have to tell myself everyday it was time for me to let go even if I did not want to, in hopes I will still be married to him in heaven. 

I wonder if one could feel so much love for someone and how heartbreaking it would be to lose someone you have spent your entire life with. I do not dare to think of waking up alone knowing that the person I marry is gone forever. However ,I think  there will be part of me that is happy knowing that I've spent all my life loving him as much as he has loved me and we have both enjoyed moments we share while it last. 

I will hold out for love and I believe that there is such great love build for me. 

Till then, much love.